Boom Boom

I've had a lot to think about lately. A lot to worry about. A lot to stress about. It's not like my general living conditions are stressful or anything, I guess my mind is just crowded.

I really want to go back to school. I think I've decided that. Still wobbling between photography and interior design, but... yeah. Now it's just figuring out a way TO go to school since my parents won't help me.

Also, work. Yeah... I learned a hard lesson. When you quit one job, really look at why you're quitting. When I left my last job, my reason and what I told myself was for money. Now I'm realizing that I really just hated what I did. When I got another job of the exact same kind, I was miserable. I hated it. It made me depressed and upset. I've got to be honest with myself. Let's just face it, I'm not really cut out to be an entertaining and demanding salesperson. It just doesn't work for me.

The steady ground that has been keeping me stable is Tim. I am still so amazed at how lucky I am. He is the most selfless person I have ever met. Even now as my own parents, my relatives, and my friends are unhappy with me, he has shown me nothing but love and support. He's even told me multiple times in the past week how proud of me he is! I am so so happy to be able to call myself his girlfriend.

I really want to set some goals for myself for the immediate future, which include:

1. Decide about college
2. Save up as much money as possible
3. Take and sell more pictures
4. Fix up the house
5. Really get to know myself

I'm now realizing that love is the best thing you could ask for. Finding love in your other half is like realizing that no matter what happens day to day, things will always be alright. As long as you can see that person's face again you'll have the strength. As long as you can hear their voice or smell their skin you can take on anything. It's truly the most wonderful feeling in the world; to love and be loved. I have never been depressed and torn down by so many various things all at once, and yet I feel like it is but a small crack in the sidewalk.

I am hurt, I am scared, I am worried and yet I still feel at ease. My heart is beating too fast but I feel okay.

Which Way Now?

Today was hard. I really think I need to get some stuff off my chest.

I woke up in a really weird mood. Almost like I was dreading some unknown disaster. I broke into tears before I left the house, but thought it was just a lack of sleep. Then I got to work and things only went down hill. I ended up having an anxiety attack at work for no apparent reason.

MORE TO COME LATER.

Anyway, the day sucked.

Cha Ching!

Yay! I totally got the job! It's awesome! I'm so excited for this great opportunity! Yayayay! And my birthday is next week!