Wow, I didn't think I'd ever be writing on this again. Part of me wanted to blurt out angry bits of nonsense on Twitter, but I realized trying to cram my scattered thoughts into segments of 140 characters would be more hassle than it's worth.
What's on my mind? The past. Being 17. Surrounded by friends. Very little responsibility. Trying to pretend like I didn't care what people thought of me while still secretly seeking approval from those I admired. Pretending like I had my future planned out. Being spontaneous. Staying out late and getting in trouble.
I know I've grown up a lot in the last seven years. Shit, I graduated high school seven years ago. I can't seem to make my mind catch up with present-time me. It wants to pretend like it's back in 2007. Even though I know (I KNOW) I've grown up in those seven years, hopefully for the better, I can't help but find myself wishing I could go back. Knowing what I know now... fuck, life was so much easier. I couldn't wait to grow up and find myself but somehow I got lost along the way. I stopped writing. I stopped letting myself get lost deep down in thought about the things that really matter.
And then I look back at what I've just written and feel like a complete jackass. These past seven years have been filled with so much love, exploration, discovery, joy, and maturing. Believe me, I wouldn't change a thing, but if someone gave me the opportunity to spend some time in my 18-year-old self I wouldn't hesitate to go back.
I miss everything. The good and the bad. I miss eating lunch with my friends every day. I miss being silly with K. I miss AP art and getting to know T. I miss playing tennis. I miss seeing my brother every day. I miss it all.
I guess that's most of what I needed to get out at the moment. I turned on some of my favorite music that came out in 2007. spent far too long looking through my Gmail archives, and ended up getting punched in the gut by nostalgia.
