Christmas Eve

It really doesn't feel like Christmas eve to me. It's weird. So many things are different this year, which seems like it's affected everything. I was supposed to get in touch with my admissions counselor for the photography school I'm looking at in California, but I never did. Oh well. Maybe sometime soon. And then there's Antioch in Ohio, where Nick wants me to go with him. That'd be fun, I have to admit, but am I cut out for it?

Oh well. Right now I don't want to have to think. I just want to be. To act on impulse. I have sat around and done nothing but think today. I laid in bed until one this after noon simply thinking about whatever happened to cross my mind. It was both relaxing and frustrating at the same time.

Tomorrow is Christmas. For all of my life Christmas has been something to look forward to all year long. This year, I don't know, it just doesn't feel the same. I have no real idea why.

I get to go spend time with relatives that don't remember me tonight. Do you know how it feels to say hi to a cousin you've missed who doesn't even remember your name? It's depressing. Last year I went to give one of my cousins a hug and he backed away and asked who I was.

All of these worries will be pushed away tomorrow though, somehow. I get to spend tonight with my best friend, which will be nice, and I know she feels a little bit of my pain. We've never been close with our other cousins.

I think I am going to go find something ridiculously cute to wear tonight, get ready, and sit around reading until we have to leave. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything else.

Have a good Christmas, in case I don't write tomorrow, which I probably will.