I Want My Happy Ending

That's it. A happy ending. Is that too much to ask for? At one point I might have dreamed about my wedding day, or first house, or even vacations with him. Now all I dream about is being normal. My health is going down. My state of mind is shot. My grades have even started to fall. I have no social life anymore because everything I say and do is acting. I won't have my friends getting angry or sad because I am. I'm hurting enough without knowing that I'm causing distress for them too. I just want to feel like a happy 17 year old again. I want my life back. I want my love back. Does that make me selfish?