Finished

Everything is over. I can't stand this anymore. The past year, I've been living a lie. I found out today that my boyfriend has been lying to my face for the past year. I'm more that hurt. I'm shatterd. Broken. I don't know if I can be fixed again.

This past year I've been asking him if he loved her. He said no. Over and over he told me no, followed by "I love you". And now, in the blink of an eye, in one night, not only did he ruin my life, but hers too. In so many ways it's not fair. I didn't do anything. Anything to deserve this, and yet here it is, like some deformed monster, staring back at me in the face and I can't get rid of it.

I don't know what to do. Earlier I was mad beyond all belief. I was threatening with suicide. I feel selfish now for even suggesting that. But I don't know where to go from here.

He has so much power over me. Even if I wanted to leave him, I couldn't. Love will do that to you. You make stupid decisions because you can't possibly imagine things any other way. Now I've seen them this other distorted way that I only thought exsisted in my nightmares, and I don't know how to face it. I don't know what to do. Everything is shattered. Everything. And I can honestly say that this time, it wasn't my fault. That doesn't make it hurt any less though.

I can't go to school tomorrow. I can't face anyone. I know I have friends on my side that I hope I can trust. But I thought I could trust him...