Numb

This weekend, I can confidently say, has been one of the worst weekends I have had in a long time. Not only were my plans canceled several times, but last night was generally a disaster. You know that feeling when some unwanted person shows up again? Someone completely beyond forgiving, who knows it too, decides that their pressence is ok again. Who knows why.

This someone, who knows who she is, showed up, uninvited (or so I'm told) to the party we've all been looking forward to for the past week. Not only did she affect me, but everyone else she's hurt. I was in tears driving over there, because I got the call about this unwelcome guest right before I left, but not showing up to a friend's 18th birthday wasn't an option for me at the time.

I just wish somehow, even if I had to take all the blame, that she wasn't around. So many people wouldn't have been hurt. The one person I truly love wouldn't have had to suffer at her hands. Sure, it means the world to have him now, but him never having been cut so deep in the first place is just as important to me. No one deserved that.

I feel like I should be able to take the blame for all these bad things that have been happening to everyone lately, but I can't. I wish I could make it better. I really do. I'm not trying to be God or anything, trust me I'm agnostic, but still. I have the terrible habbit of making anything and everything ten times worse in my head than it really is, and then worrying about until it's resolved. It's not a good habbit.

Oh and I found out that I'm still reacting badly to coffee. I wanted to get out and do something today, but after having coffee this morning I can't say I'm feeling too well. And plans got canceled again today to see a movie. Go figure.

I need to start figuring out what I'm going to write for next month's NaNoWriMo compettion, but that will take a while. Maybe today is the perfect time to start planning.

Either way, I'm feeling a little numb lately. Just numb in general.