I can feel myself simply emanating with frustration. Frustration again with a lack of care people seem to have. No, nothing is wrong with Jon. Things with him are simply wonderful. I'm still just getting used to him. He's different, which in so many ways is the best possible thing for me. I'm tired of the same kinds of people. I've been wanting something new. A challenge. Which is exactly what I have now. I have a relationship that I have to work for, and I like that. I have to push myself.
I'm trying to be a better person for both myself and everyone else. My biggest issue right now is fear. Fear of losing Jon. Fear of graduating. Fear of people moving away. Fear of making mistakes. Fear of the future. Fear of letting others and myself down. I'm just all around afraid and I don't quite know how to deal with it.
This weekend I realized I really screwed myself over with my senior project. Here I have my CAM panel presentation tomorrow and I'm barely beginning to assemble all of my papers.
As I mentioned, I'm tired of people not caring. I wish for once that the school's administration actually cared about the students. I have been told so many different things about the requirements for my senior project and then the written paper work I was given said something completely different. As of now, there are 180 seniors who have not finished their projects and we are led to believe that is OUR fault. This is something they just started requiring and both counselors and teachers alike can't even give students the information we need to meet the standards. Not because we can't, but because we don't know how.
I know perfectly well that I could spend a few hours writing papers that are completely made up and I would still pass fine. That's not the point. I'm frustrated because I am expected to jump through all these hoops that are completely irrelevant to my career choice or to prove that I should be able to graduate.
That's my input for today. Back to work now, I guess.
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