I'm REALLY Alright

Really. I mean it. I can't stand it when I freak out about things that don't matter. I hate myself. I really need to get better control of my emotions. I know it will eventually get better with time.

Tim, if you ever read this, I'm sorry about last night. I know you said it's ok, but I still feel bad. I love you more than life.

Turns out my traditions are changing. I had a wonderful Valentine's day.

Gah

I know I shouldn't be whining. Really. I know. But I just can't help feeling a little... I dunno. I bought a beautiful new shirt for Valentine's day and red heels to match... Tim didn't even notice. We didn't go OUT to dinner either, so I didn't really get a chance to wear either. I didn't get flowers. I didn't get a teddy bear. I didn't get jewelry. I didn't get chocolates. I really really really know I sound like a bitch right now. I just... I tried to get all that stereotypical stuff for him. Cute tear-jerking card, chocolates, boxers with hearts and kisses, blah blah. He got matching shirts for us and another for himself... he promised me flowers all day... I really KNOW it's not that big of a deal. I was just SO excited for that wonderful typical Valentine's day because I've never really had that before. SLDKFJSLDFKJ. *sigh* I really know. It's not THAT big of a deal...

I Am...

Whiny.
Demanding.
Manipulative.
Immature.
Selfish.

*sigh*

It's Valentine's day. I've cried four times already today. Not because of Tim, though. For my mom the first time because I always feel bad for her on Valentine's day. My dad made my cry the second time. Now the third is a combination of missing Kristin and not getting any flowers today...

Oh well. Life goes on. I want to work on myself. This shouldn't be this big of a deal. Better than last year, right? Definitely. :)

Can You Keep a Secret?

*sigh*

I don't think I'm ready to have to be a grown up.
Or responsible.
I'm a little homesick.
I don't want to grow up.
I'm scared.
I miss my family.

But I chose this.
I'll stick with it.

Do I?

Do I disappoint people? Am I a let down? Do people look up to me only to find that I'm not all they thought I was? I'm having a little trouble with myself lately. It's not like I'm trying to drive people away, but it seems like things keep happening that I can't control and I feel really bad. Work seems to always be scheduled for inconvenient times. I make plans and then can't keep them. I just don't want to lose sight of the people and things which are important to me.