I Wonder

Do you still read these?

Have you read up to this point?

Did you ever really read these in the first place?

Just know this:

Stay away from me. Out of my life. Away from my friends. I will leave you alone and you leave me alone. We can both destroy each other if we aren't careful and you know that. All I'm asking for is to be left alone.

Leave. Me. Alone.

I don't miss you.

Relief

Months ago Nate and I decided to tie string around each other's wrists, almost like a promise bracelet or something to remind us of each other. Every time I looked down, I saw it and thought of him.

I've still been wearing it, all this time.

When I saw him tonight, with Emily, at the same concert I had asked him to go to with me and he didn't want to, something clicked inside me.

I sat in the back of the theater, enjoying the music as I dug my fingernails into my forearm. The pain of just seeing him there was like another blow to the heart. It hurt.

And then there was Nick, sitting next to me, making comments, and smiling. It was at about that point when the sadness vanished. The pain dulled. And I also started tearing at the string.

There are now welts on my wrist, but the bracelet is gone.

This whole time, I carried this love with me, just like the string. It was always there, always comforting, and always apparent to make me smile and think of him.

But in the end, it left marks on me and pain. Just like his false love.

I don't want to be ruined. I know I am capable of so much more. I'm sorry for all of you who have been reading this emotional progression I seem to be on. I just have to get my thoughts out. I don't know if I am making any sense.

I am ready to let go. Completely.

Will you be there to help me up if I stumble?

Busy

That's my word for the day: busy. Go go go!

Oh well. I've been having fun. And spent the last four hours with my favorite person. And what do I get to do in an hour? Go spend another five hours with that person! Yay!

Oh and I get a free ticket to the MAH concert tonight. And free ice cream.

^_^

Good News

So I am excited! The Flickr group [we are called One World, One Time and we aim to have all group members taking pictures of something ordinary at the same time] that I have been a part of since its creation and watched grow, is now going big. Our leader had the idea to put all of our photos into a book a long time ago, but it was just going to be something small, for self purposes, published by an online source.

Now apparently things have gotten more serious. He has hired a graphic designer to help him with layout, and today I just received the news that he had an interview with BBC news. Talk about amazing! And my photo is to be in it, for sure! I might also even have a self blurb because I served as the groups administrator [they change admin every month] during it's second month.

YAY!

P.S. The new James Bond is my HERO.

Early Morning Lyrics

I haven't gone to bed yet.
It's 4 in the morning.
I still have theory to do.
I'm tired.
I keep hearing this song on the radio.


The Heart Of The Matter- India.arie
(originally by Don Henley)

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
[ these lyrics found on www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore

Night.