I Want My Sleep!

I woke up at 6:30 today because I was having nightmares. I hate guys. I hate the past. I hate not getting enough sleep.

Now I'm just cleaning my room because I'm too antsy to go back to sleep.

Quotes to Hang Onto

You can lead a horse to water...and you can drown him, but you still can't make him drink. -Bartman

Diatonic Triads! That sounds like nuclear waste. -Me

What! How are you playing notes? You're numbers! -Me

The second cord contains a C, C, D, and F...which is just plain weird. -some computer

(In reference to physics:) My train of thought derailed...at a velocity of 75 meters per second. -Scott

Why are you being so much terror? -Me

Foolish red ball, you're not fast enough to keep up with those triplets. -Me

Gravy-O's! Slap me up a batch! -Scott

I wouldn't be so paranoid if they weren't all out to get me.

It's like one of those things that you can see it, and it's right over there, but your legs are broken. -Me

That's a terrible quarter rest! I despise that quarter rest. -Grant

Rodger Bacon!? Bacon AND Balogna in the same paragraph?! -Scott

I'm tired of these dimes shoving way too many pickles in my funnel. -Dustin

What's worse, knowing that you're wrong, or just EXPLODING? -Tia

Next thing you know, we'll be having school on Sundays...on the Moon. (Grant snorts) And they won't provide buses, either. -Scott

Nonsense often looks like yogurt. -Scott

Oh no! I'm timeless! -Grant

It's like a lava lamp except made out of chocolate. -Scott

It's no fun if you're not Tia. -Scott

(I stole these from Scott)

Odd

I had a weird dream last night and I just wanted to see if I could sit down and try to remember it all...

So I was at a party with someone... and my brother. I can't remember the someone. Eventually we decided to leave. Someone went back to our house (which was an apartment in NY) with Andrew and I went to the "someone's" house. It was raining. We ran inside to this gorgeous mansion and watched the news in a marble floored room. He told me I could go get pj's. I don't know why I was staying the night or how I knew my way around. His mom showed up and led me to her room where I went through cabinets and drawers looking for clothes but all I seemed to find was different shaped slippers and hair flowers. I was crawling into silk sheets when my mom woke me up this morning. I can't remember who it was or what was going on really!!! GAH!

Oddly Discontent

I find myself acting a lot recently and I don't think I should be. I think I'm trying to hard.

I'm frustrated and don't know why. I cry for no reason.

Maybe it's the depression acting up again. I should have said yes to the meds when they offered them to me...

Afraid

It is amazing to think that in a few weeks I will be out of school.

I don't know what to think of life right now. Everything is so... good and yet I don't feel like I've found my place in the world. I know everyone around me right now is just going to leave and I'll have to start over again from scratch.

I'm worried about the fact that everything good that happens to me comes to an abrubt end when I least expect it for some stupid reason outside of my control.

I am extremely confused about people and my emotions. Yesterday I was a completely wreck and I have no idea why. Taking one wrong turn on the way home from work shouldn't have sent into a sobbing fit.

On the plus side, I'm enjoying having a job. For one it means less time at home and obviously I'm also getting paid. I love the people there and I'm relieved I didn't end up in fast food...

I just wish I wasn't so dependent on love to make me happy.

Tomorrow is going to be incredibly hard. Today is already hard enough. It's Memorial Day weekend. I hate how some plans can be completely shattered. I don't regret things usually, but I'm getting close. I just regret people. How they act. What they think. It's frustrating that not all people have the same sense of moral judgment or decency.

I don't know what more I can ask for. So many good things may be sitting right in front of my face and I'm too busy trying to hide myself away to see them. It's hard to distinguish the good from the seemingly-good.

So now I'm faced with my biggest questions now.
1. What am I doing?
2. Do I keep my shield up or do I live fearlessly with no concerns?
3. Who am I?

Gah I shouldn't be as bad of a wreck as I am now. It's really weird that nothing is wrong but everything seems to be at the same time. I wish I wasn't so dependent on other people. I don't want to have to rely on someone to take my hand and guide me through life at my side but that's how I am and I don't know how to change.