Oops

I meant to blog something, or anything yesterday, because it was Thanksgiving, but I forgot. And now I've realized that technically it's too late. Oh well.

I'm trying to waste a bunch of time and not go to bed, even though I have to be up in 5 hours. I'm afraid of going to sleep. All I get lately is nightmares.

Lately, I've been really confused. I hate what I have become. Not that I'm a bad person or anything, but I hate this state of mind that I can't seem to shake. I hate what he has made me. I hate that he had this kind of control over me.

I am really glad that I'm free now. Free to spend time with people that I couldn't before because of his feelings of jealousy. I'm glad I can act and dress how I want and for the most part, I don't have to care anymore. He's not there to weigh me down or make me feel guilty anymore.

So yeah, there are some aspects of life that are extremely nice. But then there's all the pain that I am trying so hard to get past. I'm trying to let it heal. But it seems as if something always happens to rip the wounds open again.

When I find someone who really loves me, I hope I don't push them away. I hope this hasn't completely broken me and made me unable to trust or even love again. I really hope I can find someone, someday, who won't let me down.

Hope. That is all I have left.