This past week has been nothing but easy for me and yet I find myself laughing more, feeling better, and having a blast doing whatever I want to do. I have had no limitations set on me by someone who is controlling and untrustworthy. I can say and feel and think however I want to without having to worry about what he would say. I can spend time with some of my favorite people and not be worried by the fact that they are male! I spent the past six hours surrounded by guys only! It was refreshing! Not that I want a relationship, it's just nice. I have no commitment. No Nazi breathing down my neck making me feel guilty or worthless. I can act on impulse. Sure, there might be some repercussions, but it will be good for me. When those come along, I can deal with them by myself and I will know that I have no one to blame but myself.
I don't waste as much time on the phone anymore. Surprisingly, seeing him happy doesn't eat me up, but it doesn't make me happy either. I could care less about him, honestly. He tore me in half and left me alone and cold. I'm the one that got stabbed in the heart, and I'm the one that isn't being mean now.
What should I do? Do I thank him for being cruel to me, because ultimately it led to me being happier without him? Would I have ever realized how much I hated being with him, if it hadn't been for this?
I'm so confused, but for once... I'm glad.
Thanks "spidrwegian" for putting my thoughts of confusion into a convenient picture for me!
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