Please

Please just call me back and tell me you want to see me today.
Please tell me that you love me.
Please...

I realized yesterday how terrible the situation I'm in is. Being in love is the most wonderful thing in the world and at the same time it is the most terrible emotion to exist. I think I'm in love. Every moment I spend with Jon, I feel happy. Not that I'm never happy around anyone else, but it's a different kind of happy. A feeling of importance. Being intoxicated with good just makes the bad harder and that's what is tearing me down. Love is like a drug: once you've felt it you can't live without it. It's almost like nothing can make me as happy as being in love, but I know that's no way to live. And then there's the days when it doesn't feel like I'm loved at all. Yeah, boo hoo, whiny me. Some days I'm loved, other's I'm not. I thought I could accept that, but it's hard. I realized I depend too much on consistency. I'm afraid of change in every aspect of my life. The inconsistency of this relationship is hard but refreshing at the same time. Life shouldn't be perfect, but doesn't everyone deserve the chance to find happiness? I sometimes wonder if Jon realized how much I depend on him. I wonder if he realizes the stability he's brought to me just by having him by my side. I also wonder if he depends on me at all.

If I'm going to be in love, I want to feel it. All the time.

Love IS real.