For You

Per Te

Sento nell'aria profumo di te
Piccoli sogni vissuti con me
Ora lo so, non voglio perderti
Quella dolcezza così senza età
La tua bellezza rivali non ha
Il cuore mio vuole soltanto te

Per te, per te, vivrò
L'amore vincerà
Con te, con te avrò
Mille giorni di felicità
Mille notti di serenità
Farò quello che mi chiederai
Andrò sempre dovunque tu andrai
Darò tutto l'amore che ho per te

Dimmi che tu già il futuro lo sai
Dimmi che questo non finirà mai
Senza di te non voglio esistere

Per te, per te, vivrò
L'amore vincerà
Con te, con te, avrò
Mille giorni di felicità
Mille notti di serenità
Farò quello che mi chiederai
Andrò sempre dovunque tu andrai
Darò tutto l'amore che ho per te

Non devo dirtelo, ormai gia lo sai
Che morirei, senza di te

Per te, per te, vivrò
L'amore vincerà
Con te, con te, farò
tutto quello che mi chiederai
Andrò sempre dovunque tu andrai
Darò tutto l'amore che ho per te

I Dislike Storms

"Was life nothing more than a storm that constantly washed away what had been there only a moment before, and left behind something barren and unrecognizable?"
-Memoirs of a Geisha

I don't want another storm.

And So...

... the world continues to spin.

Happiness is so hard to find, but also so easy to hold onto.

I find it amazing how one person's smile can change your entire mood. Turn a bad day fantastic.

I've never been better. I hate the past. It's trying to destroy me, but it can't. I will not be ruined.

That was then and this is now. I need to live in the present. Live for today. Live for this moment.

When you're learning to walk, you stumble. After you fall the first times, it's always easier to get back up.

Life is happy. I just need to remind myself what is important and what doesn't matter anymore.

More Than I Deserve

"I can't get enough of you. I just can't.
You're like mount everest, the Pacific ocean, the great pyramid and the sphinx, one heck of a sight for sore eyes. Absolutely astonishing.
You're like the Mona Lisa, a hidden mystery, yet impossible to stop gazing into your beauty.
You're are a masterpiece, sculpted by the gods of Rome and Greece themselves.
Your beauty is painful, you are truly the crucifix of Venus. =]]]]]"

- Jon

*melt*

Could life be any better? No, no I don't think it could. I'm going to go float away on a cloud now... *happy sigh*

Jon, honey, I love you... so much.

What Else?

I don't know what else to say! Everything is spectacular! I didn't think my life would take a turn this drastic any time soon, but it has. I am forgetting all of my past already. Everything. People say I broke Nick's heart. What? He never even liked me! It was just ridiculous infatuation on my part because he was a guy who cared about me when no one else did, but now I see it was just as a big brother. NOW Jon cares about me sooo much, and I can tell! I don't know how I deserve someone so wonderful... I am so excited about my future now... whatever it brings, I am optimistic that it will be amazing. =]

The 90's!

I had to copy this down somewhere. ^_^


You're a 90's kid if:

You can finish this [ice ice _ _ _ _ ]

You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, and Two Stupid Dogs.

AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west Philladelphia born and raised . . ."

You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.

You remember when 2Pac and Selena died.

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail and Reader Rabbit day in computer class at school.

You remember reading "Goosebumps".

You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.

You remember the craze and then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not . . .

When everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.

When cops and robbers was a daily activity.

When we played hide and go seek until our legs grew numb.

When we used to obey our parents....ouch

You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.

"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.

Captain Planet. He's a Hero.

You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.

You remember when Super Nintendo's and Sega Genisis became popular.

You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.

You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders".

You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.

You remember when Yomega Yo-Yos were cool.

You remember those Where's Waldo books.

You remember when Mortal Kombat Was "Da Bomb!"

You remember eating Warheads.

You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.

You remember Ring Pops.

You remember drinking Fruitopia, Surge, and Tange.

If you rememeber when every thing was "da BOMB!"

When they made the new Lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.

You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.

Writing M.A.S.H. notes.

Making those little paper fortune cookie things, and then predicting your life with them.

You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell".

You played and/or collected "Pogs"/

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.

. . . Furbies.

You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.

And Windows 95 was the best.

You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.

You had a favorite "New Kid on the Block", and you knew all of their. names

You remember Bewitched, Jump 5, S-Club 7, and that whole period with the boy bands and pop divas.

You remember exactly where you were and what you were doing the first time you saw a Brittney Spears or N'SYNC video.

Michael Jordan was a king.

YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!

All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.

You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.

You collected those Beanie Babies.

Growing Pains.

Carebears and The Gummy Bear show.

Gak was the coolest stuff invented.

Lambchop's song never ended.

The old dollar bills.

Silver dollars, which were cool to have.

You remember a time before the WB.

You collected all the Troll dolls

You owned a portable tape player.

If you even know what an original walkman is.

You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.

You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

You know the Macarena by heart.

"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said/

You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"

You know the significance of the number 23.

You went to McD's to play in the playplace.

You remember playing on merry go rounds at the play ground.

Before the MySpace frenzy . . .

Before the Internet & text messaging . . .

Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .

Before MIKE JONES . . .

Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .

Before Sponge Bob . . .

Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.

When light up sneakers were cool.

When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.

When we recorded stuff on VCRs.

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.

When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.

Way back.

When it was all about N64.

WHEN YOU TRADED POKEMON CARDS FOR A LIVING.

Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.

Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!!!!

If you grew up in the 90's you've gotta read this!!!

Cheer, Bliss, and Glee.

AHHH! GOOD DAY! I now have a permanent grin. :DDD

Oh my goodness, I don't think today could have been any better.

<3

Happy!

Ahhh! I am so happy! I can't shake this feeling! *grin*

Words can't even describe how happy I am right now.

Mmmm... I love loving people...

=]

Sugar

Mmm I had way too much sugar tonight. I had to stay late at school so we could finish the newspaper. We ended up getting so much junk food. I feel sick. I'm exhausted. I need to go to bed, but I think I'm experiencing a bad case of insomnia. Oh well. Today was pretty spiffy. I enjoyed having Errinkay in my 5th period class and watching her reactions to a certain someone. ^_^

Ah wonderful life, how I love you.

Obviously...

...these are public again.

Know why?



I don't care anymore. :)

Ah, Life

Life is beautiful. I want to grow up, see the world, live my life, and be happy. I want to act without thinking. I want to sing my heart out. I want to live in a tiny apartment with tacky wallpaper and freezing water. I want to wander the streets, meet new people, and see new places. I want to forget the parts of my past that I know I should. I want to stop imagining a perfect future for myself. I want to be realistic. I want to make my own choices, even if they are ridiculous ones. I want to run and laugh and breathe like it's my last day. I want to read and write until I am sick of it. I want to yell and cry and smile. I don't want to find happiness, I want IT to find me.

Weekend Fun

Here we go:

Friday night: Kristin's house for Jessica's birthday.
People: me, Kristin, Jess, Brittney, Chelsey, Anna, and Errinkay.
Fun INDEED.

Saturday night: Random fun at Kellog Bowl and Sharie's.
People: me, Nick, Erin, Bryan, Robbie, and Jessica.
MORE fun.

Good weekend! :D

Strange

Today was, as Grant deemed it, "Frunday." That is, a mix between Monday and Friday, because that's really what it was for us. And it only happens once in a life time...

Well, this was me last night:

I decided that today was good. Even though I sat around all day, I had undisturbed time to think. I thought about life, the future, love, and my happiness. Overall, I am pleased with current happenings.

Once again the ocean of the world has taken a hold of me and pulled me along with the current. This time, however, I have learned how to swim. I will fight my hardest to keep my head above the water and if I slip under again, I will have learned my lesson. I will know that there is something worth fighting for. I won't give up. And most of all, I won't give in to anything or anyone. This all seems so much easier now that Nate is out of my life for good... ahh, what a relief...

I don't want to stop smiling. I don't want to lose this good feeling I've been carrying around lately. I want to rub off on people. In a good way.

Basically, I'm happy, and no one is going to change that.

But today:

I dunno, I'm frustrated. I was really apathetic all day today. I miss our art teacher, Mr. Bratrud, and I don't think he's coming back... I'm so confused with all the boys in my life and have no idea which path to take. My mom is bugging me to get a job and then FINALLY today, my best friend decides to tell me that the last time I applied to Jack In The Box (where she works) I didn't score high enough because apparently you have to answer those personality questions to make yourself look good, even if they're not true. Guh. And she never thought to tell me. Thanks, Kristin.

I came home feeling anxious, and I didn't now why. I was going to sleep, but was too out of it even to sleep. Next, I decided on painting, but I knew I'd just get frustrated and make a mess. Then it was picture time. I'm continuing my little experiment with fruit and water shots until I get one that I am satisfied with.

I guess for the rest of the night I'm just going to sit around, talk to people, and read. I might have to beat Justin up the next time I see him, lol. Oh well. All is well, I guess.





















Orange, yeah? I'm still not happy with them...

String Of Events

Today was awkward. I sat around in bed all day watching movies. And when I say "all day" I literally mean all day. I bleached my hair again, but it didn't turn out the same. Oh well.

I'm a little bit worried about life. My mom mentioned that a friend was telling her about Brook's today, which is a photography institute in California that I was looking into. For months, one of their admissions guys was calling me, wanting me to apply and stuff. Then today I found out that they are probably the best photography school in the country. And I didn't follow through. I never turned in an application... *sigh* I don't have the motivation to follow through with my dreams... I'm really frustrated with myself.

I'm also really worried about, well, the fact that I am boy crazy. I can think of at least 5 boys that I can honestly say I like right now... and I don't know who to pursue... I think I'm in love with Nick, but I also think that he just sees me as a best friend. Hummmm... of course that's okay, but still. Should I move on and see what else is out there? I dunno.

And then there's Nate. Ah how I miss him, but things are more peaceful without him. With him around I seem to be frustrated or angry half the time. I changed this account to private when he got mad at me for my entry on the 14th.

Oh well. I guess, overall, I'm doing pretty good. I have to go back to school tomorrow for the first time in a week, but I've already decided that I'm not going to pay attention at all.

And now I think I'm going to go back to talking to Adam. Gosh, I love that boy. ^_^

Hmm.

No school again tomorrow. Yayyy. I forgot that Nate can't read these anymore. Ahh thank goodness. I just wanted to put up this comic because it made me think of Nate and I.

Mmm

Nummy. I love the snow. Everything is so pretty. *sigh*

Well, yesterday was good. And eventful.

Eep. I was going to write a long and thoughtful entry about my life recently, but it looks like I'm going to Kyle's for more snow fun. Lata'.

Snow!!!

We finally had our first snow day today! No school! Lots of snow! It's so great! Ahhhh I love snow!!!

(Pictures to come later.)

Empty

I haven't had many really meaningful posts lately and it makes me sad.

I want to continue on this path of self discovery.

I had a good day today, but it was uneventful.

Tomorrow, then.

I wasn't really trying today, just passing the time.

Good!

Last night was Winter Formal! It was amazing! (Get used to seeing lots of exclamation points!)

Oh my gosh it was so much fun. It was way better than any other year. It's weird to think that I won't ever go to one again though. Well, maybe, but I won't be in high school.

Gah, Nick is so amazing. I freaking love him. He was just the most amazing date I could have gone with. We didn't even get home until almost 3 in the morning. Then he came over and spent the day with me to day. Fun stuff... ^_^

I've just been in a generally good mood lately. I've decided that I want Nate out of my life because things were so much better in those two months when we avoided all contact. I want that back. I was so much more peaceful. Less drama. Less hurt. Less lies. It just makes sense, you know?

I'm a bit worried about this new girlfriend of his. My psych was right, he really does play on emotions and knows how to make a girl believe him. He claims he won't hurt her and that this time is different, but that's what he's said the last three times. Whatever. It's his life, I'm just worried about her. She'll end up being screwed over. Oh well. She knows his past and doesn't care. What a moron.

Well, I just got out of a nice long shower (bleh, Nick came over without notice so I was still in pjs!) and I feel great now. My stomach is a tad sore because I've been laughing and being tickled all day. I love being happy. I love loving. *happy sigh*

So now I think I'm going to listen to some music, eat some caramels, upload some amazing pictures from last night, and bond with my mom.

Good night indeed.

111

I just wanted to post something significant for number "111." ^_^


And here I dreamt I was a soldier
And I marched the streets of Birkenau
And I recall in spring
The perfume that the air would bring
To the indolent town
Where the barkers call the moon down
The carnival was ringing loudly now
And just to lay with you
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
Save lay my rifle down

And try one, and try two
Guess it always comes down to
Alright, it’s ok, guess it's better to turn this way 

And I am nothing of a builder
But here I dreamt I was an architect
And I built this balustrade
To keep you home, to keep you safe
From the outside world
But the angles and the corners,
Even though my work is unparalleled,
They never seemed to meet
This structure fell about our feet
And we were free to go

And try one, and try two
Guess it always comes down to
Alright, ok, guess it's better to turn this way 

And here in Spain I am a Spaniard
I will be buried with my marionettes
Countess and courtesan
Will fall beneath my tender hand
When their husbands were not around
But you, my soiled teenage girlfriend
Or are you furrowed like a lioness
And we are vagabonds
We travel without seatbelts on
We live this close to death

And try one, and try two
I guess it always comes down to
Alright, it’s ok, guess it's better to turn this 
But I won, so you lose
Guess it always comes down to
Alright, it’s ok, guess it's better to turn this way

Umm

I feel weird. Things are so great and I'm a little sad. Oh well. I'll get over it. Things will look up again. Things are hard. Downright hard. I'm freaking out just a little bit. I want to dance with joy and cry my heart out at the same time.

SDLFSJDHFKSDHGKFJSHDF.

Oh well.

Relief

Life indeed really is like a wild ride. A ride on a twisting, turning, out of control roller coaster. Two months ago I had reached the point where you get to the top of the hill, only to plummet for ages to what appears to be imminent doom. Then I hit a long flat stretch. Nothing exciting but nothing upsetting either. Then the climb began again.

MY roller coaster, however, is special. I love this upward motion I'm feeling. Once I reach the top, that's where I'm getting off. That's where my platform is. I am so happy, for the first time in a long time. During December, I found happiness and I can't seem to lose it.

I am excited about everything in life. Little things like this weekend as well as big things such as my future. Everything makes me smile. I can find the good in everything, it seems. I love it. I love life. I don't care who you are, but I love you as well. Love, I've found, is the best thing anyone can ask for in life.

To all of you who have been amazing, thank thank thank you. I owe you the world.

Past Tense

Oh my baby, Oh my Love,
Ooooooh, woah, oh, woah...woah.

Early was the morn, flowers filled with dew,
I became somebody, through loving you.
Softly as a child, born in natural rain,
I predict the seasons, to go unchanged.

Sometimes in life,
You run across a love unknown,
Without a reason, it seems like you, belong.
Hold on Dear Life,
Don’t go off running from what’s new,
I became somebody, through loving you.

Warm was the sun, that covered my body so.
Reminded me of you, as I’d first known.
Those were tha days, tha days, that changed my life, and made me new,
I became somebody, through loving you.

Sometimes in life,
You run across a love unknown,
Without a reason, it feels like you, belong.
Hold on Dear Life,
Don’t go off running from what’s new,
I became somebody, through loving you.

As the sun shined, down on me,
I know with you in love is where I wonna be,
Oooh sometimes, I go on through life,
thinking that love is something that’s not meant for me,

Woooah...Somebody, somebody.

Hold on dear life,
Don’t go off running from what’s new,
I became somebody, through loving you.
I became somebody, through loving you.
Oh, I became somebody, through loving you.
Woah, oh. Oooooooooooo


As the title suggests, this is in past tense. I hate life and yet I love it.

I can't wait for this weekend. Should be heaven. ^_^

Crazy Ride

Though I seem to be feeling better at some moments, others I just feel as if I wish life was done with me. Sometimes I smile at the sunlight on my face and other times I scowl and hide from it. Life has taken me on a strange and wild ride that I am ready to get off of now. I want to be one of the people standing on the ground, eating cotton candy, and staring up at the people in disbelief as they are thrown up and down on a ride they cannot control. I want to have something solid beneath my feet that I can depend on.

A Lot to Digest

Quite a bit happened this morning.

I didn't think I'd be staying up until 3:30 in the morning talking about what I've wanted to talk about for ages, but I did.

I feel a lot better. I feel like this was a big step in moving forward.

Irrational

I hate some people. It's just a fact. I'm sorry. Does that make me a bad person? Some people though... dah. I'm too frustrated to even write right now. I'm not making sense.

I think I'll write some fiction later. Dinner time.

2007

Happy New Years!!!